Spirituality Journey: My Ugly Truth

I've read and listened to many stories of other Christians spirituality journey and how it ended with positive results. In my case, the journey has ended terribly. I actually don't want to say 'ended' because the spirituality journey is a lifelong process. My ugly truth is: I gave up. I fell into temptations. I questioned God. I had multiple idols. God was not the center of my life. I allowed my flesh to take control. The list continues, however, one truth that hurts me the most is: I lost faith. Yes, I lost faith in God. It troubles me to even type that but it's the honest truth. I've been battling with my spiritual life for over 2 years now and it seems like I will never 'get it right.' See, that's the issue. I realize I was trying to be a perfect Christian because many Christians portray it that way. They show their 'perfect' side at church then purposely sin behind closed doors. Hypocrites are what we call these types of folks. These Christians are amazing actors in my eyes, and they honestly make me sick to my stomach. I've allowed them to cause me to drift away from my faith because of the pressure of being perfect. This was challenging because I wasn't myself. I want to be me, Imelda Simon, while walking in the Lord's purpose. I wanted others to see the Christian in me, but now I want society to see my imperfections as a Christian woman. I'm far from perfect, as you can see, which is why I want my spiritual journey to leave an impactful mark on myself and others. It's not an easy journey at all, and as I stated previously it's a lifelong journey. There's no completion. It's an endless process because we continue to learn from it every day. Now, I'm trying this journey over again for the umm I think 1000th time, Lol. This time, what I'll do differently is not give up. Instead I'm going to pick myself up, dust myself off, and continue the journey. We are humans and we will always be sinners so when I purposely sin or fall into temptation I'm going to ask for forgiveness and try my hardest not to make the same mistakes. And if I continue to fall then guess what? God is going to continue to pick me up. I need to remember that while also holding myself accountable. I have to be grounded in my word and in prayer. The ugly truth of growing your faith is that there's going to be A LOT of obstacles that make you want to throw in the towel. Yet, you must be strong and submit your heart to Jesus.

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